WASD will not help you find the secret

Arrow Keys will help you not find the secret

Blowing into your mic would be a cool mechanic, but does nothing.

Please connect a controller to play many other games.

This is an officially sanctioned use of Mario by Nintendo. Please contact Nintendo of Antarctica for details.

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I won, world record speed run thanks

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Granted! I just need a video recording of your entire life so far to confirm that it's legit.